My wonderful reader, it’s been a while. I’ve missed this virtual corner of ours. Where have I been, you wonder? Well, just like most of us I’ve been busy with one of life’s curveballs. Before I start though, Ramadan Kareem to everyone observing the month, wishing you health and blessings.
I’ve thought a lot about whether to write such a post or not for a few months now, to the point I’ve been running away from sitting down and writing almost anything. But throughout that time I couldn’t shake from my mind the saying “if not now then when, if not me then who?” So here we are. You may wonder what sort of post would get me so unsettled? Well, ironically a post about myself, and hopefully one that you can see yourself in as well.
See a few months back, during a very busy Q4, I was starting to feel very tired and drained. It was reasonable given the work stress and I was waiting for January to be able to rest then.
I do remember thinking of all the productivity and hustle content that we see all over the place and how thinking how I should just “push myself”, which I did for a while until something in me eventually started saying “listen to your body, and if rest is what you need then rest”. So indeed I started resting and sleeping more, rather than going out or doing extra fun things. I was either working or resting for a few weeks.
Sadly, my body was fed up in early December, and by mid-December, I found a lump in my neck. Now, this is not a novel, so to not scare or trigger anyone, it turned out to be a benign lump but how do we get to that is a rollercoaster. Let’s start with some background info, I’m a 25-year-old female who’s relatively in good health (not a fitness influencer by any means, but I eat and walk, the usual we all do) and you know unless it’s the big C, no one younger than 30 that I know of has faced life-threatening health issues. No one that talks about or shares such info at least. So like any self-respecting millennial would do or think, I thought I’m going to die. See finding a lump as a girl is scary enough, let alone finding it in your neck, not fun let me tell you. See usually we think of necks as vampire bites or sexy series scenes, but in this case, neck equaled breathing, eating, and drinking real estate. For me, neck equaled terror if anything goes wrong as to how else can I breathe or eat Nutella ? Luckily we got a Dr. appointment quickly and I got my first ultrasound, oh boy again not fun. (slightly painful as you feel the pressure and very stressful as you can’t see the screen and what’s showing on it. Dreadful silence for 10-15 mins where you question your existence basically). See the thing they don’t tell you about having health issues is that there are lots and lots of appointments. It doesn’t stop there, there’s also then lots of waiting and dreading what the hell is wrong with you. For me it started with blood tests, then going back for the ultrasound, (mind you all different days and hours) then going back again for the result which was “Nodule in the right thyroid Lobe”. Which they’ve kindly explained to me that it doesn’t equal dying and because of my age (which is why I’m writing this, please push back if someone or a healthcare professional starts with “since you’re this age”) it was thought wise to wait and do some lifestyle changes to help the nodule deflate on its own as it seemed fluid containing and benign. Basically they explained it’s like a cyst that needs rest and support to deflate and go away, and that it can happen anywhere in the body anytime. (talk about scaring the shit out of people)
Let me tell you those 6 weeks of wondering “is this the right thing to eat, right exercise to do, right posture to sleep in” can take a toll on you. I will say I’m fortunate that I was able to talk to my manager and be honest about needing support during the end of December and that I will be taking a few days off from my leaves in early January. (in MENA most companies close financially in December and only close 1 day for Christmas or don’t which depends on the company’s culture, so it’s a very busy time) I would say that’s important if you’re going through such a thing because you don’t want your work to suffer because of a health issue or to feel guilty or stressed and try to work even harder when your body is trying to recover. (mind you as a millennial you always feel that but it helps reduce it)
So, after 6 weeks I had my second ultrasound and I was holding my breath for a small reduction in size or for my thyroid to be kind enough to respond to all these changes. Spoiler alert, it didn’t and again because of my age, no one explained that this is a possibility. Cue in panic again, I get transferred now to a thyroid specialist as it’s no longer “just a cyst” and probably an issue with my thyroid, and I end up in a different hospital that requests I re-do my ultrasound. Basically, your life turns into organizing your time and working around appointments for scans, blood tests, and Dr. consultations. Then for the remainder of your time googling and researching trying to understand what the hell all those medical tests and terms mean.
It’s a good thing that we have Youtube and Tiktok right now where a lot of great people share their medical stories. It’s so helpful as a lot of times research is available on average ages, so for thyroid for example most research is for 50+-year-olds or 30-50 so it’s hard to relate to the symptoms, long term effects of meds, and which treatments to ask about. (if you know of any research for 20-year-olds with thyroid issues, I’d be thankful if you send it my way)
This all got me thinking of how distorted some views of things are in our times. Most things we usually hear about one’s ’20s are “how amazing it is, career time, hustle time, travel, love, relationships” which is great and possible don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t mean your 20’s will be perfect. There’s a lot of loss and searching in our twenties, pain, health issues, grief, tiredness, and more. Life doesn’t stop in our twenties, what we seem to hear about though is the rosy trailer after removing everything else. (Let me know if you’d like a post about this, with realistic tools)
So, why am I writing this? and what now for my health?
First, I’m writing this to let anyone who’s going through something similar know that they’re not alone. That they are not the cursed exception, and that there are a lot of us going through this uncertainty and just trying our best.
Second, to offer the reminder that I wish I had a few years ago to listen to our bodies. If your body feels like you need rest or a nap let it have it if it’s exercise go for it, if it’s time off try to get it, and most importantly if things don’t get better after that then please get yourself checked. We tend to think we’re invincible in our 20s, what could be wrong we say? If healthcare cost isn’t an issue for you (which is a privilege as many people struggle with this) then please get checked and keep your health as a routine thing to check in on and not a taken for granted thing until it breaks. And trust me, I’ve needed and still need this reminder as much as the next person.
Third, to remind us that we can ask people around us. There are a lot of kind people out there with life experience and knowledge that can offer you advice, tips, or recommend clinics and specialists. Also, you don’t have to be specific if you don’t want to share a lot of private info. What I’ve learned is a lot of times people have gone through a lot, they just don’t share it unless they’re asked about it or it’s brought up. Of course, be mindful as some people don’t want to share such info, and that’s completely fine.
As for my health, it’s still up and down, there’s a bunch more of what happened since then and what I’ve learned and continue to learn about thyroid, food, vitamins, plastic, stress, medical research, and more. More tests to do, and more appointments to book.
If this is something you’d like to know more about, I’d be happy to turn this into a series if it would benefit someone with what to expect in each stage depending on what happens next with me, let me know in the comments or by liking this post.
Till next time, my wonderful readers 🙂 !
Disclaimer: None of this information is to be used as advice or medical advice, it’s a personal narrative and just for entertainment purposes. Additionally, all information used is publicly available.
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